Khoj...

Wo panktiya jo vyakt karein duvidha antaraatma ki
abhivyakti viheen dimaag ke andhero mein banti nahi

Mai masoomiyat ke sahare kaatu kab tak ye zindagi
Kab tak kahoo logo se ke mujhe hosh nahi?

Mai Himalay ki oochai aur sagar ki gehrai to naap bhi loo
Jeevan ke atoot sangharsh magar mujhe haasil nahi

Chalta rahunga mai phir bhi Jaisa use ho manzoor
Mai wo nahi mangoonga usse jo mere haq mein nahi..

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On Powerlessness...

For all there is to see and observe, there's nothing more sublime and pure than the supreme quest to lose, to break free, "to merge" with the surroudings...

Untill the energy gets spent - dissipated, there's anxiety, restlessness and a pull towards the PULLER - the Maya, which exercises supreme control on everything in its range - like a magnet draws iron filings when the latter are in range - till the iron filings lose their magnetism, the magnet wouldn't let them stay - wouldn't let them BE!

I have lately felt the power of "powerlessness" - that which ensues once the soul breaks clear of the forces governing its manoeuvres in the worldly maya.

The soul is like water thundering down a mountain top - the milky white column of brutal force descending like the fury of doomsday, perhaps; heeding no one, stopping for no one, but only aiming the floor that's thither...I call it POWERLESS because it's not in its nature to unleash fury - it's the gravity that causes it to be that way; it's powerless against the gravity - but it's a force to reckon with nonetheless - and so, in its powerlessness it becomes more furious and fearsome...

And when it hits the floor, it meanders; it loses its sight, its doggedness, its single mindedness - it resigns itself to the curves that might present themselves as it takes the next arbitrary course; it has no fixed locus thereafter once its descended - it could perhaps get accumulated in a saucer shaped clearing - or descend down a slope or just randomly scatter around till it loses its kinetic energy and becomes ONE with its surroundings; YES, ONE with its surroudings - isn't that the soul's destiny? IT SURRENDERS THE EGO...

Till the time the soul is "powerless" it's under a gravitational pull of the karmas binding the body that carries the soul; once the karma is discharged and the soul has hit the "floor" it continues to meander till the remaining streaks of energy are disspiated and the soul is free to dissolve and become ONE with the surroudings...

Generally...

I, like most of us, also wanted to create a space of my own - even if "virtual", where I could have the complete freedom to express myself using words/expressions/annotations that represent me and reflect the truth (if there is one) of my existence alone. A space for which I need pay no rent, one which would not be at the peril of being marauded, usurped, stolen from the ever expanding influence of the gangsters masquerading as respected citizens and individuals...

I don't have a set agenda for this blog; that in fact is the beauty of this blog - here you will find random thoughts mirroring the randomness of the inner most recesses of my thinking...

Recently, the event of Benazir's assasination brought to fore the increasing vulnerability of those who dare speak their minds. I am not saying this as if I have followed Benazir's political career to the hilt. But right or wrong, strong or baseless her political lineage and leanings - I speak from the vantage point of an individual who understands other individuals like myself - an individual with a family, with responsiblities towards one's children, spouse, parents and country - that person who tries to piece it altogether and ekes an existence full of strife. What did those bastards get out of eradicating a life which was fighting for a cause? Was she threatening the terrorists standing in the trenches they hide in?

They don't have the guts to fight in the open - they hide, wear masks and attempt assasinations.

However, the way their influence is expanding, the day is not far away when they would be able to walk into a country's parliament and blow it up or walk in the Supreme Court and blow the Judge away. They can do it.. Sure they can...and this ironically all in the name of a God (Allah) who is supposed to create and protect and empower ....

Well - no one said life was easy...

Shayad sab maya hai....

Kal ek qasai ko murga katate dekha
Kaatne ke baad murge ka pankh khurechte dekha

wo pankh jinhein apna pet palne ko aatur qasai
tezi se khurechta hai, Jaldi katoo ise
kahi khareeddar apne eeman se na fir jae
Mujhe meri do joon ki roti se ruswa na kar jae

Ye dar us pakshi ke dar se zyada bhayanak hota hai
Mera kya hoga ye masla insaan ko saalta hai
Fir koi aur jeeye mare isse kya fark padta hai?

Kisi aur ki taqleef se mujhe kya vaasta
nahi janta insaan insaan insaan ki taqleef se na chah ke bhi juda hota hai
Aaj tum par to kal mujh par
Badqismati ka saaya kisi ko nahi chhodta hai

Aj kar lo beshak manmani jee bhar k
Kal palat waar hoga manamaniyo ki hogi adla badli
Kal tum sawaar the ghode par
Aaj hoga sawaar ghoda tum par

Ye faaslo ki duniya hai faaslo ko kabhi mitne na degi
Apne wajood se marhoom ho kar duniya duniya na rahegi
To kya yahi hai dastoor zindagi ka?
Kya nahi hai insaaf insaaniyat ka?

Sochta hoon aksar, gumsum, akela
Jawaab kaha milte hai asaani se
Aur jo de sakte hai wo kehte hai sab maya hai
Kisi ke kaha kucch kabhi samajh mein aaya hai

Kyun???

Aaj phir un logo se mulakat hui
Jinke liye mere man mein sivay nafrat ke kucch bhi nahi

Phir bhi, kyu jeeta hoon ghut ghut ke?
Kyu nahi kehta nahi chahiye tumhari teemardari
Kyu nahi kehta akela hi behtar hoon
Gala ghotati hai ye nark ki chaardeevari

kaha se le aaoo wo waqt, wo pal jo guzar gaya ....
aur haseen khayalo ka manzar
sada ke liye zehen mein chhod gaya
Nahi jati purane palo ko yaad karne ke beemaree

magar kal bhi khush kaha tha mai?
To aaj fark kya hai? kyu hai?
Kyu?
jawaab nahi milta?

Kyu? Kab tak? Kaha tak?

चलता गया

अवाक खड़ा जीवन के पथ पर
गिरता, सेहेमता, संभलता , उबलता
चलता गया....

कभी सहारा तलाशता, कभी सहारा बनता
लाठिया खाता, लाठिया चलाता
इससे जुड़ता उससे बिछड़ता
चलता गया...

अविश्वास और विश्वास दोनों है पास
राम का नाम, शैतान का काम
सच की सुबह झूठ की शाम
लहरों से जूझता कश्ती संभालता
चलता गया...

आंसू बहाने में, आंसू पोछने में
सुख भोगने में, दुःख झेलने में
कुछ समझाने में, कुछ समझने में
बात गयी ज़िन्दगी
दामन में फूल और कांटे सजोये
हँसता, रोता
चलता गया...

कुछ असर था आज भी
कल खाए हुए ज़ख्मो का
ज़ख्मो की आड़ में, ज़ख़्म कुदेरता
नया ज़ख़्म, नया मरहम तलाशता
चलता गया...

किसको खबर कहा है मंजिल
इससे पूछता उसको बताता
चलता गया...

कुछ अजीब सी छटा थी आज
मुर्दे के चेहरे पर
उसी के खयालो में यूहीं
ज़िन्दगी की ज़द्दोज़हद में मौत का सुकून तलाशता
चलता गया...

२१ फेब्रुअरी २००४